Today we had our second critique. We were very lucky to have the level 7 students come along to critique us as well. I presented my 3.5 mins of (basically raw) footage to a group of six students (3 level 6 and 3 level 7’s) Klaasz and Will.
I gave them all the critique forms to fill in after they had watched the clip. I wanted a cold read first to see how they ‘read’ my work with no influences. I then explained to them my intent and played the two instrumentals I am considering to add to the footage.
I thought my critique went really well, I was so pleased I choose to get people to write down their thoughts as I now have six full pages of thoughts to consider and move on with.
I will summarise the main points of critique:
What do people first notice/think of when they look at the work –
- Children, nature, differences in gender (by how they play and what they play with), similar activity shared at times, beauty, colour, environment, boy, girl, exploration, play, beauty within life/everyday, choppy imagery, feet, hands, close up, sweet, simple, seeing through child’s eyes, memories of childhood, construction, adventure, creativity, no shoes, bright playful colours, very serene, children having fun and exploring their environment in their own way, not influenced by others, Alice and Wonderland, REM sleep – transitions.
What formal properties do people notice? what are the problems and successes? –
- Transitions of focused to unfocused – nature was in focus a lot, is this the center piece? or just for cosmetics? The almost hyper-lapsed effect was engaging, flowed well, children looking into the camera brings them closer ie – makes it more personal and intimate, crispness and colourful natural images that shift between focal distances, beautiful scenery = serenity, sharpness – haze – clarity + distance and memory, delicacy, playfulness, poetry, a message, there is a strong connection between nature and the child, you show interaction between small human and nature, the blur technique is interesting but a bit overdone.
What is the artist trying to communicate?
- Within dreams sometimes you experience the most bizarre things that at the time seem quite innocent.
- The human element and the element of nature interacting.
- The connection with our environment.
- Gender differences – with what the children play with and do.
- Grounding to the earth.
- Dreams of moments in time.
- The spirit of children, ruggedness and adventure.
- Beauty of childhood, innocence, Joy.
- Kids allowed to be kids and unconnected from technology, allowed to explore and discover their world and environment with out fear and influences.
Suggestions for improvement, and ideas –
- Could I put the mundane moments in? eg: eating breakfast.
- Experiment with tension more, more symbolism create emotional tension.
- The frame rate at water splashes drops the suspense.. carefully consider frame rates.
- Create more of a story board and a narrative.
- Loop the entire piece so there is no beginning or end – this will be perfect for an exhibition. – approach somewhere like Dick Smith’s and ask if they will sponsor a large TV for the exhibition at end of the year.
- Don’t let this become stock footage – give it a narrative – be more “arty” and textural.
- Could children be playing with masks? what are the symbolic connations of masks?
- Simple symbolism – Increase the symbolic which will reflect the meaning of the story.
- Add ambient noise – waves at the beach, the kids voices and noises of them playing, footsteps etc.. this could be faded in and out with instrumental music.
- Pay attention to what is in focus and what is out of focus, the nature flowers etc were in focus a lot is this the main point?
Thoughts on music –
“Suburban Streets” by Indi
Retrieved from Soundcloud 15/9/14
Theme from “Blackspot” (Feature Film) by Jeremy B Cullen
Retrieved from Soundcloud 15/9/14
3/6 people preferred the piece of instrumental “Suburban Streets” by Indi, saying it suited the imagery the best because of the choppiness of the film, and the fact that its very dreamy and esque (resembling)
1/6 preferred the Theme from “Blackspot” by Jeremy B Cullen, although some said it was very creepy and tense.
2/6 people thought both pieces of instrumental music suited the footage well.